1. Samenleven in Nederland — social life and living together

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Topic map: holidays → family occasions → appointments → communication → relationships and families → organisations and volunteering.

What you should be able to do in the exam

You should recognise common Dutch customs, know what to do in everyday social situations, distinguish legal forms of partnership and know that discrimination is prohibited. In the updated KNM, the emphasis is on understanding how society works, not on copying one supposedly correct lifestyle.

1. Holidays and remembrance days

Not everyone celebrates every holiday. Religious, family and cultural traditions differ. Some days are nevertheless visible throughout the country because institutions close, flags are displayed, markets are held or public ceremonies take place.

Flag and anthem

• The Dutch flag is red — white — blue.
• On King's Day it often has an orange pennant.
• The national anthem is Het Wilhelmus.
• It can be heard at national ceremonies and international sporting events.

Memory anchor: 4 May = remember, 5 May = freedom.

2. Family occasions

Birthday

• Children receive presents, a cake with candles and often bring a treat to school.
• Adults may celebrate on the nearest weekend.
• Visitors normally bring a present and say Gefeliciteerd.
• If you do not visit, you can call or send a card or message.

Wedding and cohabitation

• A legal marriage is concluded at the municipality; a religious ceremony may be added.
• A man and a woman, two men or two women can marry.
• Many couples live together without being married.
• A wedding often includes a family meal, an evening party and sometimes a trip afterwards.

Birth of a baby

• A birth may take place in hospital or at home if the medical situation allows it.
• Parents send a birth announcement.
• Visitors usually make an appointment first, bring a small present and do not stay too long.
• The traditional treat is beschuit met muisjes.

Passing an examination

• The person receives a diploma.
• A flag with a school bag is often displayed outside the home.
• People say Gefeliciteerd.

Death

• The family announces the place and time of the funeral or cremation.
• People gather, remember the deceased, listen to music and bring flowers.
• Say Gecondoleerd or Veel sterkte to the family.

3. Appointments and punctuality

People in the Netherlands commonly arrange both formal and informal appointments in advance.

Formal appointments

Examples: GP, dentist, hospital, municipality, job interview, a child's school or a work meeting.

When arranging an appointment, you should be able to:

1. explain whom you need to see and why;
2. say and spell your surname;
3. give your date of birth, address or other requested data;
4. note the date, time, place and name of the person;
5. arrive on time.

If you will be late or cannot come, call or send a message. Cancellation is normally required in advance, often at least 24 hours before the appointment. A missed appointment, for example at a dentist, may still be charged.

Informal appointments

Meetings with friends or relatives are usually arranged by message. If you do not know whether dinner is included, ask directly.

4. Directness and diversity

Dutch people can be direct: they may honestly say that they cannot come or give critical feedback. Directness does not automatically mean rudeness; a calm and clear reply is normally expected.

It is incorrect to think that all Dutch people are the same. Customs and views differ by age, region, city or village, culture, education, religion and politics.

If you do not know a custom:

• ask the host or colleague;
• ask another person you trust;
• observe what others do;
• look it up online.

Useful questions concern whether to bring a gift, whether food will be served, whether a partner is invited, whether shoes should be removed and how long to stay.

5. Relationships and family forms

Living alone

A person may be single, divorced, widowed, temporarily independent or in a latrelatie — a relationship in which the partners maintain separate homes.

Living with a partner

Official forms may ask for your burgerlijke staat: gehuwd, geregistreerd partnerschap, gescheiden or ongehuwd.

Families

• Two parents and children.
• One parent and children.
• A blended family in which partners combine children from earlier relationships; children may gain a stiefvader or stiefmoeder.
• A family with two mothers or two fathers.

Rights of LGBTQ+ people

• Homosexual and heterosexual people have the same legal rights.
• Discrimination is prohibited.
• Same-sex marriage has been legal since 2001.
• Same-sex couples can have children.

6. Organisations, clubs and volunteering

In your free time you can join:

• a sports club or gym;
• a choir, dance, photography or theatre group;
• a language course or free taalcafé at a library;
• activities at a buurthuis;
• a church, mosque or another faith community.

You can become a member or do vrijwilligerswerk: coach children, help at school, serve coffee in a community centre or visit people through a faith organisation.

Benefits of volunteering:

• Dutch-language practice;
• new contacts and a network;
• experience for a CV;
• participation in the neighbourhood;
• helping other people.

Commonly confused ideas

Common exam traps

• Not everyone celebrates every holiday.
• On 4 May the flag is at half-mast; on 5 May it is flown normally.
• A visit after a birth is normally arranged in advance.
• Missing a formal appointment without cancellation can still lead to a bill.
• Same-sex couples have the same legal rights as opposite-sex couples.
• It is normal to ask directly when a custom is unclear.

Active recall

1. What happens at 20:00 on 4 May?
2. What colours are on the Dutch flag?
3. What do visitors normally bring to a birthday or after a birth?
4. What can you say after a person has died?
5. What should you record for a formal appointment?
6. What should you do if you will be late?
7. How does a registered partnership differ from a cohabitation agreement?
8. What is a latrelatie?
9. Can two women legally marry?
10. Why can volunteering help a newcomer?

Based on chapter 1 of the book, printed pages 13–34.